Sitting on porch and drinking my beer. With a
cigarette lit and and on occasional puffs clouding my face with
smoke thicker than sheer strength of my belief. With each passing
second, I grow vulnerable to the attacks of the outwardly and with the
negation of my strength by the strikes of reality.
Compounded
feelings of Trust, Love and Care and with each of the sister emotions
clashing inside, I feel there has been nothing good so far having loved
and lived for someone I thought was the only one. A trust is something
which is, in my opinion and for anyone sane, is a precious belonging.
One hands over oneself to someone on whom confidential of confident
secrets and values of the life earned by one can be shared. Even when I
speak of it as something precious, valuable, and implicit part of a
relationship, I feel this becomes a burden when you really start to feel
you are not ready for a relationship and that you want to get over it.
Love never happens out of will, you know it when you are in this
emotional twilight. Science proved it as mental sickness that blocks
your ability to judge, reason or rationalize. Its never too late to
stand up for a good cause. If you think you were in a bad romance,
there's no point in being tied to it because it will in the end ruin
your happiness and the trust latter bestowed on you. When you feel you
are not exactly in love but what you have for the person is a genuine
selfless care and that makes it harder for you to step out of
relationship. I would ask to remind yourself as how many times, your
so-called love stood up for you so selflessly. How many times have you
felt safe in your love's confidence. Did his/her words ever comfort you
of the trauma you are going through and will it be possible ever to feel
that safe if not your love but any random XYZ.
At
times when I weigh my importance in the latter's life, I get a perfect
impression that despite calling for a neutral, sensible and practical
stand for each other, there is still some space for irrational love and
her need to fall tipsy in my love and to want no more than my company,
the togetherness.
These feelings are
quite complex, much more than it qualifies here. With the only fact
hiding is that these feelings don't surface unless you ping them out.
You have to ask yourself in order to listen to the venting pressure of
disappointing, bad romance. I would ask my readers that whenever you
seek help in love problems, regarding your insecurities or your
fidelity, make sure you have weighed your feelings in the light of
justice and self satisfaction because at some point in life you have to
be selfish and look out for your true acceptance in someone's life. You
might not realize justice now but when you accept the latter and
there is an equal response from them, one cannot define the level of
satisfaction it has then, a certain spiritual connection exists when you
go through that phase of accepting each other no matter what happens
and when it is a mere compromise in the name of acceptance, when it is
neither love nor a need but just an obsession to acquire someone you
desire. Life is lived well with a partner, adjusting with each other but
never with compromise.
Unlike
the title to this post, its quite depressing and one who gives prime
importance to a relationship in life might hate me for advocating for a
topic like this but the truth is, there exists nothing but true love. No
one can stick to fulfill one's satisfaction of libido all his life. At
some point, even the craving of acquiring name, fame, popularity ends
and when there is this saturation in life. One starts looking for Sucre!
A sweet called LOVE, this should be searched for only when you are
ready and not when you are lonely.
My
sole concern is for the girl I've truly loved and I always want to
find ways to keep her cheered up. A few days back I've come across some
pretty nice line on facebook news feed shared by some public pages and
the most beautiful line which according to my mind state then, qualified
as the best quote of the week for her which says, " Not every man is
different, all you need to do is find a man who is same as you want him
to be and not what the world sees him to be."
Maybe
she thinks I'm the perfect man, maybe she is right but the instability
in my head regarding a long term commitment for her and not giving my
life a chance without her is the worst thing I will do to us.
So
if the readers out there have their own experiences like mine. If you
have been through the trauma and dilemma like the one I'm going through
or if you have any thing to say about it. Please make sure you leave a
comment.
