A topic much more daring and dangerous to speak are those which deal with the darkness inside you.
I could choose no one to share my pain, no one to confide into but to write it down here after much of a thought.
Dear Lord,
The confession might seem illogical and one can relate this with greed. A greed of attention beyond one can handle. Acceptance- is not just a mere word to me now but where I am right now, I can fear the implications of what this word can actually do to us. It shook my world, which had nothing but contempt, down to its roots and because I was accepted as man to be with a woman who knew there is a line of demarcation. Some lines which should never be crossed. It was then when I had a taste of what they call "greed". A greed of attention. A masculine need always draws him near the desire to fulfill his lust and when this lust overcomes the check on his libido, he is like the vampire of which legends speak. My journey to this shameful path of betrayal and unfaithfulness started when I was lured by the beautiful feminine curves and her woos made me loose my mind over her. Inside, I knew it was not what is expected of me. I was so completely filled with that thought that I jinxed my chalice of the blessed eternal love. The love I cherished most, the feeling I loved most just for the desire of the venom being given to me in her cursed and malicious chalice. I kept on drinking and I went on committing sins. I tried to hold my drink but it already had infected my thoughts and my passion grew into the desire of physical intimation. A forbidden tale of the Adam and Eve, when Eve sinned and gave in to the worldly affairs. Adam followed and what started was the mankind. But what they call sin is far too saint if I rate my actions and my emotions. For my Holy Father, I have sinned not once but twice. I thought I was drained of all my love for my spirit had no emotions to show but when I knelt before thy lord I could ask of nothing but to lead my way.
I think I had expected too much or was it not the lord who gave me a chance to start from the scratch. My dear lord I believe in you. I trust your ways. Please give me strength and be my guide. For I am a fool, I am a sinner but I am your son whom you can not condemn.
I could choose no one to share my pain, no one to confide into but to write it down here after much of a thought.
Dear Lord,
The confession might seem illogical and one can relate this with greed. A greed of attention beyond one can handle. Acceptance- is not just a mere word to me now but where I am right now, I can fear the implications of what this word can actually do to us. It shook my world, which had nothing but contempt, down to its roots and because I was accepted as man to be with a woman who knew there is a line of demarcation. Some lines which should never be crossed. It was then when I had a taste of what they call "greed". A greed of attention. A masculine need always draws him near the desire to fulfill his lust and when this lust overcomes the check on his libido, he is like the vampire of which legends speak. My journey to this shameful path of betrayal and unfaithfulness started when I was lured by the beautiful feminine curves and her woos made me loose my mind over her. Inside, I knew it was not what is expected of me. I was so completely filled with that thought that I jinxed my chalice of the blessed eternal love. The love I cherished most, the feeling I loved most just for the desire of the venom being given to me in her cursed and malicious chalice. I kept on drinking and I went on committing sins. I tried to hold my drink but it already had infected my thoughts and my passion grew into the desire of physical intimation. A forbidden tale of the Adam and Eve, when Eve sinned and gave in to the worldly affairs. Adam followed and what started was the mankind. But what they call sin is far too saint if I rate my actions and my emotions. For my Holy Father, I have sinned not once but twice. I thought I was drained of all my love for my spirit had no emotions to show but when I knelt before thy lord I could ask of nothing but to lead my way.
I think I had expected too much or was it not the lord who gave me a chance to start from the scratch. My dear lord I believe in you. I trust your ways. Please give me strength and be my guide. For I am a fool, I am a sinner but I am your son whom you can not condemn.
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ReplyDeleteThank You Sir for the feedback. I'm sure everyone must go through a phase of instability while being into a relationship and still maintaining a 100% support to one's counterpart.
ReplyDeleteI'm in the middle of writing a novel titled, Roamer (A tale of a Casanova)and as soon as I get hold of this peculiar psychology, I will add a few concluding chapters to it.
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